Nigel Congratulates Boris

Our Saviour, Nigel Havers, has congratulated Boris Johnson for being elected next Mayor of London.

In a speech given at NHA HQ, Nigel commented on the meaning of the victory to the NHA.

“NHA supporters from up and down the land finally have a reason to celebrate,” said our Lord, Nigel Havers.  “Having NHA insider, Boris Johnson, as Mayor of our once-fine capital will put our party in a strong, strategic position in good time for the next general election.  Boris’ victory today is testament to the fact that our election strategy which we used to put Boris into office cannot and will not fail.  With Boris’ help, we now have the resources and the leverage we need to show the moronic electorate just who’s in charge.  We have also prevented the ghastly troglodyte Ken Livingstone from getting another unwanted term in office, which is a bonus.”

Nigel refused to comment on what exactly His strategy is on winning the next election, although we are assured that it will be a divine, final solution, the success of which is demonstrated by Boris’ victory.

Well done Boris, and well done Nigel!

Havers Fixes Credit Crunch

The Saviour Nigel Havers has proudly announced plans to “fix” the ailing global economy once the NHA take power.

“The problems facing the global economy are far too complex to explain to the cretinous electorate,” said NHA Treasurer, Bob Hoskins.  “If we cannot explain the problem, then it is even more difficult to explain the solution, so we won’t.”

The NHA have however outlined two steps to stimulate the economy.  The first is to encourage the public to buy Havers, the NHA’s very own currency.  From humble beginnings in Wales and the Cotswolds in 2002, the Havers took the world by storm shortly afterwards, making it also the most fabulous currency in the world.

The second step will take place after the NHA come to power in the next general election, when Our Lord saves Nigel Rock (formerly Northern Rock) from the thugs in government at the moment. 

“With all of the country’s (and one day, the world’s) money in Havers, everything will shortly fall into place and the economy will be saved,” said our Lord, Nigel Havers.