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NIGEL HAVERS’ PARTY ELECTION BROADCAST 2010

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Obama Supports Nigel’s Demands for Proportional Representation
10 Mayvers, 2010

President Obama:

“I wish Nigel every success in putting right the holes in the British electoral system”

President Obama has come out in support of Nigel Havers’ election demands.

Speaking at an impromptu meeting at the White House on Saturday, President Obama agreed that Friday’s election result was an outrage:

“That result is nuts. What you guys need now is real change, and the proposals that Mr Havers has put forward make real sense. I wish Nigel every success in putting right the holes in the British electoral system.”

The results of the general election revealed that the NHA had received more votes and spoiled ballots than in any previous election, yet had still won no seats in Parliament.

In a statement made at the White House, His Nigelness outlined His demands for electoral reform:

“On Friday morning as the results emerged from the general election, it became clear that this is a fundamental failure of our electoral system. We need a fair system for a fair Britain, and one which does not allow any room for any more betrayals from the British public. That is why the NHA are demanding an immediate general election, using my own definitive system of proportional representation.”

The rules of Haverian Proportional Representation are complex, but they do reduce the risk of anomalous election results such as the one the UK woke up to on Friday.

The key premise to HPR is that each vote is weighted proportionally according to the merits of each candidate, and crucially, of each voter. As such, under this system, every time an important ‘gold’ word is referenced in a vote, such as ‘Nigel’ or ‘Havers’, ten HPR points are awarded to that vote. Conversely, any time a ‘silver’ word is referenced in a vote, such as ‘Brown’ or ‘Cameron’ or ‘Clegg’, ten points are deducted from that vote.

For example, under HPR, somebody called Nigel Havers voting for a candidate named Nigel Havers running for a party called the Nigel Havers Alliance, would be submitting 60 votes for that candidate, rather than the usual one vote.

Any candidate achieving a net weighting greater than 100 HPR points emerges from the Crystal Dome victorious as Prime Minister, and is awarded for his election troubles with a free adventure weekend, paid for by readers of the Daily Mail.

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Nigel Havers Prepares for Government
5 Mayvers, 2010

Sylvestor McCoy, NHA Spokesman for Fashion and Foreign Affairs:

“I know for a fact that Nigel will lead this country”

NIGEL HAVERS’ PARTY ELECTION BROADCAST 2010

The Saviour, Nigel Havers, shares His vision for a better Britain.

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Nigel Wins TV Debate
3 Mayvers, 2010

The Leader’s Debate

66% of viewers believe Nigel Havers should be next Prime Minister
82% of viewers agreed with Nigel’s vision for the NHHS
12% agreed with Esther Rantzen’s Dental Care Reform Bill
Viewers disagreed with Bill Oddie’s stance on red squirrels

The Saviour Nigel Havers came out on top at last night’s televised debate, according to an independent poll.

The poll, conducted by NigePoll, found that the majority of viewers of The Leader’s Debate on NHATVUK1+2, the new channel from Havers Media, felt that Nigel Havers was the best man to lead the country, receiving a staggering 66% of support from viewers. Esther Rantzen was in second place on 26%, while in clear last place was Bill Oddie, trailing behind on 8%.

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