Welcome to the
Nigel Havers Alliance
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Part of Nigel Havers' ongoing commitment to the people of Britain is to make sure that everyone is okay and feeling fabulous. That is why the NHA have recruited Comical Ali, former Iraqi Information Minister, to be our very own Agony Aunt. If you would like to write to Comical Ali, fill out the form below, and he will do his best to write back as soon as he can. |
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Dear Comical Ali, Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to read my letter. I’m sure you have many more important things to be getting on with. I do think you are doing a splendid job of putting your shady past behind you and making a new life for yourself, and I’m sure The Saviour, Nigel Havers Himself is very proud of you. I do however have one gripe with society today. It’s with all these young whippersnappers taking our jobs. Everyday, people talk down to me as though they know better, with their stupid false Australian intonation as though everything they say is a question. Well, by Jove, I didn’t get where I am today by asking questions! Politics is indeed changing, and I dare say not for the better. Everybody seems to be more interested in personality over wisdom, charisma over character, and swarthy eyes over grey hair. For example, my successor, Nick Clegg, claims that he does not believe in God. Now how can you lead a party if you do not believe in the father of Our Lord, Nigel Havers? Well I say it’s time to put a stop to all this nonsense. Politics should be about being sensible and wise, not about being fashionable for Nigel’s sake! A very dear old friend of mine, Geoff Chaucer, once told me that young people need to be kept in their place and out of harm’s way. However, times have changed since my student days and I’m at a loss for what to do. So, Comical Ali, my question to you is: what are the NHA’s policies on these ghastly young upstarts like David Cameron? How will Nigel and the gang control their roguish behaviour? Regards, Menzies Campbell |
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Dear Menzies, Thank you for your lovely letter. Yes indeed I have been rather busy lately answering letters, and may I say it’s comforting to read one with such nice words. It makes a refreshing change to the death threats and letter bombs I normally receive, but that is one of the hazards of living in Essex, I’m afraid. In answer to your query, Nigel Havers is of course very mindful of the problem that these awful young degenerates like Mr Cameron pose to society today. On the other hand, He is also fully aware that the youth of today are the soldiers of tomorrow. That is why the NHA have formed the NHA Youth. This is a club where young people can learn new skills and abilities in a highly disciplined environment, in preparation for the Final Struggle. I hope this has enlightened you. Love, Comical Ali xxx |
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ASK THE FORMER IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER