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BACKGROUND: ISRAEL VS. HEZBOLLAH: NIGEL HAVERS SAVES THE DAY Our Lord and Saviour, Nigel Havers, proudly announced at a press conference on Monday that he will encourage a ceasefire in the Middle East with his 'Tea for Tanks' campaign. "The idea is really very simple. Israeli and Hezbollah forces lay down their arms and send them to the NHA. In return for every really nasty weapon received, the tea division of the NHA Army will send a generous quantity of lovely NHA tea bags." Each NHA tea bag has Nigel Havers' glorious face embossed on its side, to remind the unruly thugs in the Middle East that there are more important things in this world to fight for. "Let us just pray that they are not coffee drinkers over there, or Nigel Havers only knows what could happen," cried Bono, a leading supporter of Tea for Tanks. | |
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CAMPAIGN PROGRESS Nigel Havers' "Tea For Tanks" campaign hit off to a flying start last week, quite literally, when Switzerland donated a large part of their air force and weaponry to the NHA, namely one hot-air balloon, and a few Swiss army knives. The Tank Museum in Bovington, Dorset, also very kindly donated a model tank. However, as yet, nothing has been received from the Middle East. Bono, a leading supporter of Tea For Tanks, made his own contribution to the campaign with a new versions of classic U2 songs, including, "Where the Streets Have No Tea," and "With or Without Tea." "When Our Saviour was asked if he thought Tea For Tanks would work after the initial failure of the first week, Nigel Havers replied, "I expect they have not sent any tanks yet because they are worried there will not be enough tea bags to go round and are just being polite." "Don't be shy," urged Our Hero, Nigel Havers to the Israelis and Hezbollah brutes, "send us your tanks and put an end to all this nastiness. There are plenty of NHA tea bags to go around so there won't be any squabbling." What a hero! Well done, Nigel! | |
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OTHER NEWS: | |
TEA FOR TANKS: NIGEL HAVERS TO THE RESCUE