Our Lord, Nigel Havers, is tipped to win the bidding war for Northern Rock.

“The acquisition of Northern Rock will be a great boon for the NHA,” said NHA Minister for Finance, David Abrahams, who has proposed a donation of 10 Billion Havers. “This will bring great strength to Nigel’s own currency, the Havers, and will bring us one step closer to completion of The Supreme Goal.”

Aside from renaming the troubled bank "Nigel Rock," customers would also be able to rest easy with the knowledge that their savings are being used in the ongoing fight against the current regime, and to bring Our Saviour, Nigel Havers to power.