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Nigel Havers’ war on "holier than though" cyclists rages on
15 NIGUNE 2006
NHA Comrades and members of the civilian population of Britain have extended their full support to Our Lord and Saviour, Nigel Havers, as His war on the scourge of unlawful cyclists enters its second month.
"They just don't follow our rules," says Joan Briggs, a pedestrian and busybody from Southampton. "Today they’re not stopping at red lights, tomorrow they'll be members of the Labour Party. Who knows where this madness will end?"
Fighting intensified last week following an incident in Trafalgar Square, when nine thugs wearing hoodies cycled manically around Nelson's Column, terrorising pedestrians. Retaliation rapidly ensued when an elderly man threw his sandwich at one of the terrorists, attracting the attention of several mean-spirited pigeons. Enraged pedestrians quickly followed suit, each hurling their lunch at the cyclists, causing chaos in the Square.
Norman Adams, Groundskeeper at Trafalgar Square referred to the day as "Black Wednesday," on account of the extra pigeon excrement left in the Square.
Our Saviour has denied rumours that he is considering declaring martial law in Britain to combat the problems that have arisen since his comments last month in the Daily Mail and the Times.
"I have every confidence in the ability of the civilian police forces across Britain to cope with this problem. However, I will not stand down and apologise. The day I give in to these unlawful thugs is the day Britain is run by chavs. Not while I have blood in my veins and breath in my lungs will I give in. Cyclists will rue the day they messed with Nigel Havers".
Strong words from a strong guy. Well done, Nigel.
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