HEALTH
EDUCATION
EMPLOYMENT
EUROPE
MIDDLE EAST
ENERGY
TRANSPORT
SPELLING & GRAMMAR
SATIRE
NICK ROBINSON
VIDEOS:
NIGEL HAVERS’ PARTY ELECTION BROADCAST 2010
NIGEL HAVERS GETS A TATTOO
PRIVILEGE INSURANCE ADVERT
WOGAN: NOW AND THEN
LLOYDS BANK ADVERT
© NHA MMX
NHA NEWS
2010 | 2009 | 2008 | 2007 | 2006
NIGEL HAVERS PUTS HIS OWN STAMP ON THE MAIL
24 NIGELGUST 2006
Nigel Havers proudly announced a new postal system to rival that of the Royal Mail this week. The new system, Post-Haste, was launched on Monday to coincide with the launch of the Royal Mail's new pricing scheme.
Post-Haste is an improvement on the existing system for many reasons. Firstly, packages will be read and censored for its importance. Anything deemed to be junk mail will be destroyed, as will anybody responsible for sending junk mail, and any interesting material may be published on the NHA. Secondly, Post-Haste stamps will all feature the lovely face of Our Hero Nigel Havers, as a stern reminder of what we are all fighting for. Finally, Post-Haste is superior to the Royal Mail because our post offices will be open.
However, as with everything Nigel Havers puts his face on, with Post-Haste, the fun does not stop with the mail. Do you remember the last time you were stuck in a never-ending queue and thought to yourself, "Oh Havers! I forgot to set the video for tonight's episode of Manchild!" Or the last time you were a really important politician with a really promising career and hairstyle, such as Boris Johnson, but you were stuck in traffic and if you did not get to No.10 in the next hour, they would make you have lunch with John Prescott.
Post-Haste credits have made emergencies a thing of the past. One Post-Haste credit could be used to jump to the front of that queue so that you return home in time for Manchild. Another Post-Haste credit could be used in exchange for use of the new Nigel Havers lane on the motorway. Just shout "Post-Haste!" at the top of your voice in your most Nigel Havers like tone and swipe your card... No more queuing in hospitals, and no more worrying about evil traffic wardens. Credits must be used sparingly though; anyone who uses more than three in a year will be given a very severe Chinese burn before being shot.
Nigel Havers has saved us all, once again.
OTHER NEWS