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HAVERS IS “VERY CROSS” WITH MUGABE
26 NIGUNE 2008
Our Lord, Nigel Havers, has said that He is “very cross” with Zimbabwean President, Robert Mugabe.
“That vicious thug is directing undue attention to the NHA’s election strategies,” said Nigel. “He is a tyrant, and I don’t mean that in the good sense.”
This week, Nigel held emergency talks with HM the Queen, Prime Minister Golden Brown, and London Mayor Boris Johnson in the NHA Crisis Den. Of course, under the rules of the den, anyone found to have upset His Nigelness can immediately have their assets frozen in liquid nitrogen, where they may then be transported to the naughty section of Madame Tussauds for waxing. In extreme circumstances, they may even face execution by pinching.
Former American Vice-President Al Gore is contributing to the NHA’s efforts to prevent the impending election in Zimbabwe by arranging an emergency punishment concert, to be held simultaneously in one-hundred separate countries. Confirmed acts include Celine Dion and James Blunt.
The NHA’s crisis talks are expected to continue until early next week, where it is thought that Nigel will kindly ask Mr Mugabe to step down and allow Sylvestor McCoy, NHA Minister for Fashion and Foreign Affairs, to take his place until a more permanent NHA representative can rule Zimbabwe.
Nigel refused to comment on what would happen if Mugabe refused to leave peacefully. However, Sylvestor McCoy remarked, “pinchers will be on standby.”
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