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CREDIT CRUNCH CONTINUES TO BENEFIT NHA
17 DECHAVERS, 2008
Shares in Post-Haste doubled today following reports that the Royal Mail could be part-privatised. The rise in the share price coincides with a massive increase in support for the NHA, according to the latest NHA opinion poll. Post-Haste was launched by Our Lord, Nigel Havers, in 2006 as a private mail company to rival the "service" offered by the Royal Mail.
"The success of Post-Haste is primarily due to our policies of delivering mail on time, having post offices that actually open, zero tolerance of junk mail, and the fact that our stamps are adorned with the face of The Saviour, Nigel Havers," said NHA Treasurer, Bob Hoskins.
The sudden rise in the share price of Post-Haste is the latest in a string of problems caused by the government's handling of the credit crunch that has had beneficial effects on the NHA. Back in Octhavers this year, the Bank of Nigel Havers reported a 10% increase in the value of Nigel's own currency, the Havers, as the value of the pound dropped. As the pound continues to plummet, the Havers has gone from strength to strength. "This is marvellous news for the NHA," said Hoskins. "Golden Brown's complete failure to handle the current economic problems facing Britain means that not only do we now have the confidence of the cretinous British public, but we can now also forecast that the Havers should reach the value of the paper it is printed on far sooner than the 2025 target originally proposed by the NHA."
It is not sure yet how many other British institutions will fall into the hands of foreign investors due to Brown's handling of the credit crunch. However, the NHA are preparing for every eventuality. Indeed, plans are already afoot for the NHS to be replaced by the NHHS (National Havers Health Service), the BBC to be replaced by Havers Media, and for Esther Rantzen to be granted Grade I listed status. The face of The Saviour, Nigel Havers, will also be painted on to the face of Big Ben, as a stern reminder to Londoners to keep working hard to stave off recession woes.
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