background image
LATEST NHA NEWS: 

NHA NEWS ARCHIVE: 2009
2010 | 2009 | 2008 | 2007 | 2006

 

Saviour Lashes Out at Cyclists in Christmas Message
9 Dechavers, 2009
The Saviour, Nigel Havers, is said to be promoting road safety in His message to the nation this Christmas, in which He provides an overview of His main concerns of the past year and outlines His top priorities for 2010.
Click here for full story


Nigel to be Second EU President
19 Nigember, 2009
Our Lord Nigel Havers is being tipped as the favourite to become the second president of the European Union, following the announcement that Belgian Prime Minister, Herman Van Rompuy, will be first at the helm of the top job.
Click here for full story


Nige to Stamp Out Postal Strikes
21 Octhavers, 2009
Our Lord, Nigel Havers has said that He is ready for this weekend’s national postal strike, which is said to be “make or break” time for Nigel’s Post-Haste initiative and for His bid for victory at the next general election.
Click here for full story


Obama Interest in NHA Missile Defence Programme
18 Septhavers, 2009
An anonymous White House source today revealed that mounting interest in the NHA’s own Missile Defence Plan was the sole reason for President Obama’s decision to abandon the “Star Wars” missile defence shield...
Click here for full story


NHHS LAUNCH PANIC HOTLINE
24 Niguly, 2009
The National Havers Health Service’s “Panic Hotline” was launched today in a valiant effort by His Nigelness to calm the pandemic of panic that has swept the nation....
Click here for full story


NIGEL TO PUT MAN ON MARS “BY 2020”
20 Niguly, 2009
Our hero Nigel Havers has proudly announced that He will personally put a man on Mars by 2020. In a press conference at the Nigel Havers Aeronautics and Space Administration, Nigel outlined His vision for the NHA’s Mars programme...
Click here for full story


NIGEL PREPARES BID FOR TROUBLED EAST COAST LINE
2 Niguly, 2009
The Saviour Nigel Havers has announced His intention to bid for the troubled East Coast rail franchise, if and when it becomes available. The NHA have already announced their plan to fully Nigelise the British Railway network when they win the next general election...
Click here for full story


NIGEL “PLEASED” WITH ELECTION RESULT
8 NIGUNE, 2009
The Saviour, Nigel Havers, is said to be “pleased” with the result of last week’s local and European elections, which saw a staggering 2750% increase in the number of people who voted NHA compared with the 2005 general election, when one person voted NHA.
Click here for full story


ESTHER RANTZEN EXPELLED FROM NHA
20 MAYVERS, 2009
Ex-That’s Life presenter, Esther Rantzen, has been expelled from the NHA following her announcement on Monday that she would stand as an independent candidate against disgraced Labour MP Margaret Moran.
Click here for full story


NIGEL GETS TOUGH ON MPs’ EXPENSES
9 MAYVERS, 2009
Our Lord, Nigel Havers has announced tough new measures to control MPs’ expense claims, which, when elected next year, will ensure legitimacy, trust, and charm arrive in force when Nigel takes up residency at Number Ten. Under the plan, MPs will only be allowed to claim for items which have already been approved by The Charmer as essential to achieving The Great Objective.  For example, tea bags, pogo sticks, and moustache licenses, could all be claimed as expenses, as would elocution and charm lessons in an NHA Finishing School.
Click here for full story


JACQUI SMITH TO BE DEPORTED
4 MAYVERS, 2009
The current Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, could be deported under controversial plans outlined by the NHA’s Spokesman for Culture and Home Affairs, Neil Buchanan.
Click here for full story


NIGEL TO LAUNCH NHA TATTOO PARLOUR
20 HAVRIL, 2009
Our Saviour, Nigel Havers, is to launch the first in a series of NHA Tattoo Parlours, an official NHA source revealed yesterday. The announcement is set to finally wipe the disappointment from the faces of London’s youths and quash that most asked of questions: “where can I get a true tattoo of Nigel Havers?”
Click here for full story


NIGEL SUPPORTS SUCCESSION RIGHTS REFORM
28 MARCHVERS, 2009
Our Lord, Nigel Havers, has today announced His support for Gordon Brown’s proposal for a shake up in the rules governing succession rights to the throne.
Click here for full story


NHA UNVEIL RIVAL TO GOOGLE STREET VIEW
21 MARCHVERS, 2009
The NHA are to launch a brand new internet service which is set to rival the controversial service offered by Google Street View.
Click here for full story


Nigel Sells Lips to Save Elephant
13 NIGEBRUARY, 2009
Our Saviour, Nigel Havers, has offered to sell His lips to the highest bidder to raise money in a heroic effort to save the Asian elephant.
Click here for full story


Nigel to Create One Million Jobs
2 NIGEBRUARY, 2009
Our Saviour, Nigel Havers, has today announced that He will create one million jobs when the NHA win the next general election, in yet another heroic effort to fight off recession woes and to take dole scum and roustabout protesters back off the streets.
Click here for full story


NHA IN POSSIBLE GUANTÁNAMO DEAL
21 NIGEANUARY, 2009
President Obama last night met The Saviour, Nigel Havers, to discuss the future of Guantánamo Bay following its planned closure by Obama. The pair met at one of 100 special balls attended by Nigel to celebrate the countdown to Octhaversfest, a monthly festival held every Octhavers in cities around the world to commemorate His Nigelness and to spread the news of His long path to victory.
Click here for full story