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NHA IN POSSIBLE GUANTÁNAMO DEAL
21 NIGEANUARY, 2009

President Obama last night met The Saviour, Nigel Havers, to discuss the future of Guantánamo Bay following its planned closure by Obama. The pair met at one of 100 special balls attended by Nigel to celebrate the countdown to Octhaversfest, a monthly festival held every Octhavers in cities around the world to commemorate His Nigelness and to spread the news of His long path to victory.

Havers and Obama were reported to have clashed on a number of issues, including an international ban on chewing gum and women drivers, compulsory reintroduction of bowler hats, redesigning all flags to incorporate the stern face of Nigel Havers, and re-colonisation of the States as a first step toward building the Haverian Empire. However, the dynamic duo was reportedly agreeable on Nigel's plan to transform Guantánamo into a Havers Holiday and Re-Education Camp, a top-security haven where residents will be given the opportunity to learn to rethink their evil ways so that they will eventually be able to turn their hatred into love and allegiance to the Way of Nigel. Invited residents are to comprise suspected terrorists, and many other target groups and enemies of the NHA, including cyclists, chavs, and readers of the Daily Mail.

Sylvestor McCoy, the NHA’s Spokesman for Fashion and Foreign Affairs, is firmly behind our Nigel’s plan to rid the world of society’s filth. “What these troublesome upstarts need now is guidance. After several years of questionable leadership, it is almost inevitable that certain groups may lose their grip on sanity. I strongly believe in Nigel’s plan to save the world. Starting today, we must pick them up, dust them off, and begin the work of making the Haverian Empire. It worked before back on Gallifrey, and by Jove, it'll work here, now!”

 

 

 

 

 

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