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NHA UNVEIL RIVAL TO GOOGLE STREET VIEW
21 MARCHVERS, 2009
The NHA are to launch a brand new internet service which is set to rival the controversial service offered by Google Street View.
NigelWatch™ is the latest revolution in internet technology, combining social networking with national security.
Speaking on NHA Radio Nigel’s Tomorrow programme, The Saviour, Nigel Havers, said that the service would provide a new dimension on life in the 21st century.
“NigelWatch™ is the most significant step forward in information management, social networking, and security since the Domesday Book,” said The Saviour. “Not only will the service provide my followers with the opportunity to network with fellow Comrades in a way that has never before been envisaged by Man, but it will also for the first time give us an accurate glimpse of life in the 21st century.”
NigelWatch™ uses microscopic cameras located in clothing fibres and mobile electronic devices, such as mobile telephones and portable music players, to accurately document all audio and visual interactions. Information may then be streamed to social networking websites such as Twitter, YouTube, or Facebook.
In addition to protecting the public from themselves, NigelWatch™ will also encourage economic recovery, to be achieved through the introduction of several strict new clothing laws. These laws will include a universal ban on all foreign clothing imports, and the compulsory wearing of hats for gentlemen. This will allow the incorporation of NigelWatch™ technology in the clothing of all, while encouraging phenomenal growth in the UK textiles and technology industries.
NigelWatch™ has however received criticism from civil liberties campaigners, in spite of a successful three month trial in the Cotswolds, over concerns that the service is an “extreme invasion of privacy”. However, in a press conference on Tuesday, the NHA’s Spokesman for Spiritual and Technological Advancement, Donald Sutherland, made a valiant effort to calm the fears of these self-righteous few. “NigelWatch™ is just one of several services offered by Our Lord, Nigel Havers, to offer Comrades peace of mind with the knowledge that He is always looking out for His children. It is unfortunate that these do-gooders are so ready to criticise our efforts, particularly following last week’s incident,” continued Sutherland, of course referring to the loss of a memory stick containing key NigelWatch™ private data which was being transported via train to NHA HQ for analysis and archiving.
Trials of NigelWatch™ are scheduled to continue until nationwide implementation, which is expected to take place next year when the NHA win the next general election.
Well done, Nigel!
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