HEALTH
EDUCATION
EMPLOYMENT
EUROPE
MIDDLE EAST
ENERGY
TRANSPORT
SPELLING & GRAMMAR
SATIRE
NICK ROBINSON
VIDEOS:
NIGEL HAVERS’ PARTY ELECTION BROADCAST 2010
NIGEL HAVERS GETS A TATTOO
PRIVILEGE INSURANCE ADVERT
WOGAN: NOW AND THEN
LLOYDS BANK ADVERT
© NHA MMX
NHA NEWS
2010 | 2009 | 2008 | 2007 | 2006
Obama Interest in NHA Missile Defence Programme
18 Septhavers, 2009
An anonymous White House source today revealed that mounting interest in the NHA’s own Missile Defence Plan was the sole reason for President Obama’s decision to abandon the “Star Wars” missile defence shield.
The Saviour, Nigel Havers, announced plans for the NHA’s Jaws Missile Defence System at the annual NHA Charity Ball held in Nigebruary this year, which was attended by an array of distinguished guests including President Obama and Jamie Oliver. Now that success for the NHA at next year’s general election appears inevitable, world leaders have been eager to express their interest in the protection offered by Nigel’s programme.
Speaking at the ball, Mr Obama hailed the defence programme a triumph of British cunning and resourcefulness in response to new threats posed in the 21st century.
“The Jaws system is cheaper, wider reaching, and more cost effective all round than any other defensive system yet conceived of,” praised Mr Obama.
Under the Jaws missile defence system, bases or vessels suspected of carrying, constructing or developing missiles that have not been approved by Nigel Havers will be neutralised by the deployment of a series of nuclear robotic animals. Should initial measures fail to stop offending nations from developing or launching unauthorised weapons, such as the enforcement of tea sanctions or the deployment of a plague of cyclists, the Jaws device will be deployed.
A key strength of the Jaws device is its versatility; it could comprise anything from a robotic shark swimming close to an unauthorised nuclear vessel, to a robotic bird of prey landing on an unauthorised weapons base. These robotic creatures have the advantage of approaching locations of interest undetected. Once there, the animal can “take a bite” out of the offending target, triggering a nuclear explosion of devastating proportions.
Unlike the Star Wars defence programme, the Jaws programme is not dependent on unreliable interceptor missiles, nor is it restricted by requirements for sea or land bases.
Sylvestor McCoy, NHA Spokesman for Fashion and Foreign Affairs today praised the Jaws system and the welcoming support it has received from across the pond.
“It is very encouraging that Mr Obama has finally bowed to common sense with his support for Nigel’s defence programme,” said McCoy. “When the NHA come into power after next year’s general election, Jaws, working together with NigelWatch, our own early detection system, will offer Haverian member states complete, affordable protection from rogue states that have not yet signed up to the Alliance.”
Bravo, Nigel!
OTHER NEWS