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Nige to Stamp Out Postal Strikes
21 Octhavers, 2009
Our Lord, Nigel Havers has said that He is ready for this weekend’s national postal strike, which is said to be “make or break” time for Nigel’s Post-Haste initiative and for His bid for victory at the next general election.
Residents in the Cotswolds and parts of Wales will be able to enjoy an uninterrupted postal service in the coming weeks, in what is set to be the first major test of Nigel’s Post-Haste scheme since its creation in Nigelgust 2006.
Although Post-Haste doesn’t receive the same level of funding as Royal Mail, our service is superior on many counts. Our refusal to deliver junk mail means our resources can be better distributed elsewhere. This in turn means Post-Haste can achieve goals previously unheard of under the Royal Mail regime, such as delivering mail on time, delivering mail to the correct address, and having post offices that are actually open. Furthermore, Post-Haste’s zero tolerance of strike action and utilisation of carrier pigeons mean the reliability, cost, and charm of Post-Haste is second to none.
Speaking on the Tomorrow programme this morning on NHA Radio Nigel, the new radio station from Havers Media, the Saviour Nigel Havers said the strikes couldn’t have come at a better time.
“These postal strikes will allow fellow Comrades the opportunity to witness the benefits of a Haverian Britain first hand; demonstrating our no nonsense approach to mail delivery is merely the first in a long line of revolutionary improvements that will be observed by the cretinous electorate in the coming years, not to mention being a great pre-election campaign money maker to boot.”
Well done, Nigel!
For more information on Post-Haste, click here.
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