HEALTH
EDUCATION
EMPLOYMENT
EUROPE
MIDDLE EAST
ENERGY
TRANSPORT
SPELLING & GRAMMAR
SATIRE
NICK ROBINSON
VIDEOS:
NIGEL HAVERS’ PARTY ELECTION BROADCAST 2010
NIGEL HAVERS GETS A TATTOO
PRIVILEGE INSURANCE ADVERT
WOGAN: NOW AND THEN
LLOYDS BANK ADVERT
© NHA MMX
NHA NEWS
2010 | 2009 | 2008 | 2007 | 2006
Nigel Havers Prepares for Government
5 Mayvers, 2010
Sylvestor McCoy, NHA Spokesman for Fashion and Foreign Affairs:
“I know for a fact that Nigel will lead this country”
Our Lord Nigel Havers has declared that He will lead the country, regardless of whether He receives an outright majority at the polls or not.
In His closing remarks at what will mark the end of His epic election campaign, Nigel Havers outlined how His first 100 days in government would look:
“An immediate ban on cycling, chewing gum and the BBC’s Nick Robinson are going to be the first changes ordinary Britons are going to see.”
The Saviour also made His clearest indication yet that He would not support a coalition government in the event of a hung parliament:
“Clearly a hung parliament is not a good thing for this country at the present time; the prospect of forming allegiances with the likes of Esther Rantzen or Bill Oddie is not a pleasant one, but the prospect of an alliance with one of the three ‘main parties’ is clearly unthinkable. However, in the unlikely event that the voters betray the NHA at the polls tomorrow, I would not rule out the idea of putting myself forward as a sort of mediator figure, to help show the people the way.”
Sylvestor McCoy, the NHA’s Spokesman for Fashion and Foreign Affairs, denied suggestions from the left wing press that it was premature for His Nigelness to stake a claim to Number Ten before the votes had been cast:
“As a part-time Time Lord with the benefit of foresight, I am hugely confident of Mr Havers’ ability to win over the electorate at the last minute, and I know for a fact that He will lead this country, and indeed in time, the world, with strength, courage, and above all, charm.”
Our hero will be celebrating the end of His campaign tonight with a lavish tea party for NHA members before going to place His all important vote first thing tomorrow morning. The tea party will be from “8 ‘til late” at Juri’s Tea Room in the Cotswolds, winner of the UK Tea Council’s Top Tea Place award 2008, and regular host of the NHA Annual Party Conference. Guest speakers include Bill Nighy and Matthew Corbett.
Good luck, Nigel!
OTHER NEWS