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NIGEL HAVERS GETS A TATTOO

PRIVILEGE INSURANCE ADVERT

WOGAN: NOW AND THEN

LLOYDS BANK ADVERT

 

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MEET THE ALLIANCE

The NHA did not spring up overnight!  Lots of people have worked their socks off for many years to make us what we are today. But just who are the chosen few who are helping Nigel to save the world?   Here are just a few of the people who deserve some credit for the sterling work they have done...

NIGEL HAVERS PRESIDENT BORN: 6 November, 1949. OCCUPATION: Actor, Singer-Songwriter, all-round neat guy, chairman of the National Trust Tea-rooms Tea Association, Politician. TRAINING: Arts Educational Trust, London. HOBBIES: Competing against Carol Vorderman at Al-Qaeda level Su-Doku. RECENT ACHIVEMENTS: Our Lord has been very busy indeed, putting the world to rights with the Nigel Havers Alliance. In 2005, the fruits of His labour finally materialised when the NHA received one vote! Well done Nigel! In 2007, The Saviour will be celebrating the launch of His very own airline, HAVAIRS. He is currently working on a new album with Status Quo and Irish rockers U2, Nigel's first musical collaboration since He co-wrote the theme music to the cult-tv series, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" way back in 1996.

 

DONALD JEFFERSON ASSISTANT VICE PRESIDENT BORN: 12 May, 1954. BORN AGAIN: 29 February 1992. CATCHPHRASE: "I am the Don!" WORK: Don has been with the NHA since it was formed in 1997, and has worked alongside our Nigel ever since.  Recently, he has been chasing up potential supporters, and a darn fine job he's been doing too!  As you can see, he barely even has time to chat to his wife.  Well done, Don!

 

DR. GEOFF DAVIES DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTION AND PURIFICATION DESCRIPTION: Geoff is about 6'8", and of about medium build. At only twenty-three years of age, Geoff keeps fit by attending regular exercise sessions, endless parties and weekly bible readings. WHAT HE DOES: On Mondays to Fridays, he gets up, has some toast, and goes to work, where he makes sure that everyone is on the right wavelength about The Cause. Unfortunately, Geoff also has to spend a lot of his time attending funerals with his husband. BIGGEST AMBITION: To record an album of Elton John duets with Microsoft computer geek, Bill Gates. PET HATES: People called Jeff and Green Tea.

 

NEIL BUCHANAN SPOKESMAN FOR CULTURE AND HOME AFFAIRS FAVOURITE FACT: The best time of day for a person to buy shoes is in the afternoon. This is because the foot tends to swell a bit around this time. ACTIVITIES: When Neil is not busy working his socks off for the NHA, he can usually be found in his local Starbucks, where he uses their wireless internet connection to update his fans on the fact that he is still alive, and complains to the staff about the general quality of the decor.

 

SYLVESTOR McCOY SPOKESMAN FOR FASHION AND FOREIGN AFFAIRS OCCUPATION: Part-time Time Lord. ACTIVITIES: Sylvestor spends most of his days in libraries and record offices checking that the timelines have realigned correctly and making sure that Nigel and the team always look their best. At weekends he borrows the TARDIS from David Tennant to find out next week's lottery numbers and to find fun things to sell on eBay.

 

BOB HOSKINS TREASURER AND ECONOMICS ADVISOR WHAT HE DOES: Bob is a very important cog in the NHA mechanism, making sure that every single Havers is accounted for, and that everyone's spending is restricted to Nigel approved goods and services. Bob spends his free time by ringing his BT friends and family numbers. They don't think it's quite so good to talk. Oh, Bob!

 

DONALD SUTHERLAND SPOKESMAN FOR SPIRITUAL AND TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCEMENT INTERESTS: A bit of a clean freak, when Donald isn’t busy bailing son Kiefer out of trouble or advising Nigel on technical matters, he spends most of his free time feeding his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by inviting himself round to friends’ houses under some pretence or other, so that he can secretly alphabetise their CD and DVD collections.

 

MATTHEW CORBET MORALE ENFORCEMENT OFFICER ACTIVITIES: Making sure that everyone at the NHA is having a good time and cheering The Saviour, Nigel Havers up during those boring Commons debates. INTERESTS: Matthew is currently working on a film version of Sooty, in which Sweep takes Sooty on a roadtrip in an effort to cheer him up, after he discovers that his childhood sweetheart, Soo, is now a lesbian. Will Sooty be able to get over his problems and save Christmas, or will Sweep's drunken antics lead him astray?

 

ANGELA LANSBURY DEPARTMENT OF ADMINISTRATION ACTIVITIES: When she isn't investigating murders and being a general busybody, Angela spends most of her days putting her typing skills into action by helping Our Lord with some of the more mundane aspects of politics, such as editing this website and issuing deathreats. INTERESTS: Angela spends most of her free time attending funerals of distant relatives and old friends who happened to die during one of her visits.

 

BORIS JOHNSON SPOKESMAN FOR AMATEUR PROFESSIONALISM OCCUPATION: Boris Johnson WORK: As Mayor of London, Boris of course spends a lot of his time going around the capital, demonstrating to the people of London his superior cycling styles to those of David Cameron. However, when he is not busy styling his hair or rubbing up his Tory rival the wrong way, Boris helps when he can with what he claims is his true calling in life, the NHA. BIGGEST AMBITION: To shake the hand of Clive Anderson.

 

SHERIDAN ROBERTSON-SMYTHE DEPARTMENT OF DEPARTMENTALISING FAVOURITE SMELL: Petrol. FAVOURITE THING: Margaret Thatcher. WHAT HE DOES: Our Sheridan really works his socks off, literally, making sure that everything regarding the NHA runs smoothly and without pain. Oh yes, when Sheridan's about, we can all sleep easily, knowing the world is a safe place, providing of course, he is well fuelled up on lots of glorious tea.

 

Thank you for taking the time out of your daily day to think of the people behind the NHA, who are really making the effort to make your life wonderful again. However, I'm sure Sheridan will tell you that none of this would have been possible without plenty of tea. Therefore, we have considered this glorious beverage a member of the team also:

A GLORIOUS CUP OF TEA DEPARTMENT FOR MAKING ALL THINGS GLORIOUS There is only one thing that can beat a nice cup of tea to start your day, and that is of course, a nice cup of tea with the company of Nigel Havers.